Family Conspiracy
by SitaT'eyla
Summary: More family affairs - sorry, we just couldn't resist -g- (TT, RS). Chapter 6 and Epilogue added, COMPLETE!
1. Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays

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Title: Family Conspiracy

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Authors: Sita/T'eyla

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Genre: Humor/Romance

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Rating: PG for language

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Codes: T/T, R/S, A

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Summary: More family affairs (Tucker/T'Pol, Reed/Sato). Sorry, we just couldn't resist :-)!

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Disclaimer: Paramount owns Enterprise, we do not.

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AN: This is kind of a sequel to "Family Affairs" and "The Family Way", although it's not necessary to have read those stories to understand this one.

WARNING: It's quite silly - well, to be honest, it's very silly - and it's probably not what you'd expect if you've read the two predecessors, but it was lots and lots of fun to write. We just wanted to explore the many facets of Tucker/T'Pol relationship a bit more (and, of course, Reed/Sato :-) ).

Okay, if we haven't scared you off by now, then please r&r (and have fun :-) )!

(1) Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays

There was something wrong. Phlox scrolled through the medlogs on the screen in front of him again, looking for the entry about Hoshi Sato's routine medical examination of this month, and frowned. It wasn't there.

Phlox sighed. For several weeks now his sickbay had been in a state of absolute chaos, ever since Captain Archer had had the bright idea of changing the complete duty roster of the crew, forcing Phlox to rework all his medical examination schedules. Obviously he'd lost Ensign Sato somewhere along the way, and now her routine check was three weeks overdue. Clucking disapprovingly at his own lack of logistic abilities, Phlox turned to the comm and hit the button.

-###-

__

Oh boy I hate Mondays.

Hoshi Sato entered her quarters, dog-tired and in quite a bad mood. While of course she also worked on weekends like everybody else on Enterprise, somehow she still found work to be especially tiring on Mondays.

__

Must be psychological. Or just plain stupidity, she thought, stretching and sitting down on her bed. Today she'd been updating UT parameters all day long, a stupid and terribly boring job, and to top it all, the computer had broken down when she'd been halfway through the updates, forcing her to start all over again.

Leaning back against the wall, she closed her eyes and indulged in a moment of self-pity. She'd been edgy all day, feeling irritated with everything and everybody, but at least there'd been the prospect of spending the evening with Malcolm that had kept her from losing it completely. But of course, to make a bad day even worse, Malcolm had called her half an hour ago, telling her he wouldn't be able to make it. Targeting scanners.

She'd been quite cross with him, and he'd started apologizing up and down, sounding quite miserable as she kept giving deliberately curt answers. When she'd cut the connection, Archer had given her an astonished look that told her quite clearly she'd overreacted. And everybody on the bridge and in the Armoury had been listening, too. Great.

The thought of Malcolm, sitting in the Armoury, working on the targeting scanners and feeling bad all evening, came to her mind, and she felt a pang of guilt._ Poor guy_, she thought. _Hoshi Sato, you're quite some bitch today_.

She got up and was just about to enter the head to get a nice hot shower when the comm chirped. Sighing, she hit the button.

"Sato here."

"Ah, Hoshi." Phlox's cheerful voice came from the small speaker. "Do you have time to come down to sickbay for a moment?"

She frowned. "Why, what's the matter?"

"Oh, just a minor schedule problem," Phlox said, and Hoshi asked herself why he always had to sound so enthusiastic. Resigning to the fact that she wouldn't get into the shower for at least another twenty minutes, Hoshi gave a small sigh.

"I'll be right there. Sato out."

-###-

When she entered sickbay, Phlox came towards her, smiling his usual wide smile.

"Ah, Ensign. Glad you were able to make it."

Hoshi sighed inwardly. "No problem, doctor. What's the matter?"

Phlox looked down at a padd in his hand. "I just noticed we forgot your routine check this month. I'm sorry but with this new schedule-"

"Wait a minute." Hoshi stared at Phlox, a bad, bad feeling rising in her stomach. Routine check - she'd known all the time she'd forgotten something.

"Doctor," she said slowly, "how long is this routine check overdue already?"

Mildly surprised, Phlox looked up from his padd. "Oh... three weeks, why?"

Hoshi felt all the blood drain from her face. _No_, she thought, _no, this can't be, I can't have forgotten. I'm not that stupid. This can't be - _

She grabbed Phlox by the front of his shirt. "Three weeks?! You can't be serious!"

Phlox looked down at her, his eyebrows raised in astonishment. "Hoshi?"

"My _injection_," she hissed. "I didn't get my _injection_!"

He blinked. Then his face changed, and took on a slightly worried expression. "Oh."

"Yes oh!" Letting go of him, she took a step backward, not able to believe it. "This can't be, I can't have forgotten, _you_ can't have forgotten... what if something _happened_??"

They stared at each other for a moment, then, unbelievably, the smile reappeared on Phlox's face.

"Now, now, Ensign," he said in what he apparently believed to be a calming tone of voice, "let's not get upset. I-"

"Upset?!" Hoshi wailed, fighting hard to keep herself from putting her hands around his neck and strangling him. "Upset?! I'll give you upset! It's been three weeks, three damn weeks, and-"

"Hoshi." Phlox put a firm hand on her arm, guiding her to a bio bed. "Now, just sit down for a moment while I get my scanner. I'm sure everything's just fine."

__

Okay, Hoshi thought, sitting down on the bed_. Deep breathing. Three weeks are three weeks, but they're only three weeks. Maybe nothing's happened, after all._

She watched Phlox getting his med scanner from the counter and adjusting it, and wished he would hurry up a bit.

__

How could I have forgotten, how could I have been that stupid - 

Phlox finished recalibrating the scanner's settings and came over to stand beside her.

"Well, now, let's have a look..."

He began running the scanner over her body, then shook his head. Adjusting it once more, he scanned her again and slowly, his eyebrows drew together.

__

No, Hoshi thought, _nonononononononono - _

He looked up. "Ensign, it seems like we have a problem."

She stared at him, feeling as if her insides had turned to ice. This couldn't be, it just couldn't. Maybe all of this was a real bad practical joke, maybe in the next second somebody would shout "April fool!" and they would all have a good hearty laugh...

She swallowed.

"Are you... are you saying I am..."

Phlox folded his hands over his scanner. "I'm afraid yes."

"NO! NO!! NO!!! I CAN'T BE PREGNANT, I CAN'T BE!!! SAY I'M NOT; SAY IT'S NOT TRUE!!!"

Hoshi knew she was screaming but didn't care in the slightest. Getting up from the bed, she advanced on Phlox who took a step backwards.

"SAY IT'S NOT TRUE!!!"

Phlox put his hands up. "Please Ensign, stay calm."

"CALM!!!" Hoshi grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT??!! I'M PREGNANT! PREGNANT!!"

Phlox took her arms, gently pushing her back towards the bio bed, talking to her in a soothing tone of voice as he did so.

"Now calm down, Ensign. Try to take a deep breath. We can't have you passing out on the sick bay floor, now can we?"

Hoshi sat back down on the edge of the bio bed, indeed feeling like she was going to pass out any minute. She closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating on breathing deeply and evenly, hearing Phlox's voice from somewhere far away.

"That's right, Ensign, calm down, everything's alright. Very nice, deep breathing. It's okay."

Hoshi opened her eyes. "It's not okay," she said, hearing her voice crack as she spoke. "It's absolutely un-okay. How could this happen, it's just not fair..."

Phlox handed her a kleenex. "Now, Hoshi, don't cry. I'm sure everything's going to be alright."

Blowing her nose, she looked up at him, blinking away the tears. "And how do you think it's going to be alright? I'm pregnant!"

She stared at him, trying to grasp the true meaning of what she'd just said, when suddenly the worst aspect of the whole thing came to her mind. Hoshi felt fresh tears rising in her eyes.

"How am I going to tell _him_?"

Phlox put a reassuring hand on her arm, handing her another kleenex. "I'm sure he'll understand. Who is it, by the way?"

She sniffed, looking up at him. "Well, who do you think? Malcolm, of course."

Phlox blinked. "Oh."

"Exactly." Hoshi bit her lip, trying to get her feelings under control as she continued. "He's going to be furious, he'd never forget something like that. He's going to kill me!"

"Now, now, Ensign," Phlox said, patting her arm. "I don't think Mr. Reed is going to kill you. If you want me to, then I'll talk to him -"

"No!" Hoshi raised her head. "No doctor, please don't tell him anything. I want to take care of that myself. Please don't tell him."

"I won't, Ensign, if that's what you want." Ruefully, he smiled down at her. "But when you tell him, feel free to lay all the blame on me. It's mainly my fault, after all."

Hoshi sighed. "Well, shit." She slid off the bio bed, wiping her cheeks, and was just about to leave when Phlox called her back in a tentative tone of voice.

"Um... Ensign..."

She turned around. "What now?"

He smiled apologetically. "Your routine check."

"Yeah. Right."

Hoshi turned and walked back, sitting down on the edge of the bio bed again, feeling shaky. As Phlox picked up his med scanner and began the examination, an old cartoon came to her mind in which there was this fat tomcat saying: _"How can you tell it's Monday and not another day? On any other day, you would have toasted the bread first and then put the peanut butter on it."_

Suddenly she felt the mad urge to laugh. Ten minutes ago, everything had been alright - or at least normal - and now Phlox had told her that she was pregnant, that she'd joined the pudding club, for God's sake. Malcolm was going to kill her, then the Captain was going to dig her up and kill her again. And there she'd been thinking her day couldn't get any worse.

-###-

Three hours later Hoshi was sitting at her desk, staring at the screen in front of her. When she had returned from sickbay earlier, she'd found that she wasn't able to think straight, unable even to make the simple decision of what to do next. For half an hour she'd been sitting on her bed, staring at the wall, until she'd finally found enough energy to get up again and continue with her daily chores. She'd taken a shower like she'd been about to do when Phlox had called her, had changed into her pajamas and sat down at her desk, trying to occupy herself by working on the translation of an Andorian technical manual. She hadn't gotten one single sentence done. Somehow she just wasn't able to concentrate.

__

Well, big surprise, she thought, burying her face in her hands. _After today, how could anybody expect me to concentrate on anything?_

She couldn't believe it, she just couldn't believe it. Pregnant. Like she'd said to Phlox before, it somehow seemed unfair. After all, it had only been three weeks, and it needn't necessarily have happened. Well, there'd been occasions - quite a lot of occasions, to be honest - but all the same, it seemed _unfair_.

__

Why me, she thought, resting her head on the desk top and closing her eyes, _why me?_ _Why do these things always happen to me, and never to other people, like Liz Cutler, or maybe Lieutenant Hess?_

Stupid unexpected things like that only seemed to happen to people like her. Well, and Trip, but that was another story.

Hoshi sighed. She couldn't imagine herself running around with a big swollen belly only four or five months from now, or emptying half the cupboards in the mess hall like T'Pol had done when she'd been pregnant. She couldn't imagine herself being a _mother_. And come to think of it, thinking of Malcolm as a father was rather strange too. Trip and T'Pol had been one thing, them being married and all, but she and Malcolm had been a couple for only three months now. And they'd certainly not been planning on having any kids any time soon.

But it wasn't much use now, thinking about these things. She was pregnant and that wasn't going to change. Well... it wasn't. That much she knew for sure.

Suddenly, the door bell chimed.

"Come," she called, not bothering to open her eyes or move at all. A moment later she heard the door swish open and hesitant steps coming nearer.

"Hoshi?" Malcolm asked quietly, and she opened her eyes.

"Hey," she said, sitting up. "What are you doing here?"

He came over, sitting down on the edge of her desk.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing," he said. "See if you're still mad at me."

For a moment she wondered what he was talking about, then she remembered their conversation earlier this evening and almost shook her head at how silly she'd been, getting all worked up about something that unimportant. She looked up at him and smiled wearily.

"No, I'm not mad at you," she said, noticing how tired he looked. No wonder, he'd been working for twelve hours non-stop, repairing the targeting scanners. "Sorry I was so bitchy earlier. Think I'm having a bad day."

Smiling down at her, he raised an eyebrow. "Well, I noticed." He got up, throwing a glance at the screen. "Still busy?"

She cast a look at the screen too. "Yes, quite. I've got to get this done till Wednesday, so I think I'd better... er, get started."

He grinned again. "Yeah, mayhaps you'd better."

"Don't use that stupid word, Malcolm," she said automatically. "I told you I hate it."

"Mayhaps you told me, but I don't remember," he said, stretched and walked over to her bed. He sat down, pulling off his boots. "And mayhaps I'm tired, so mayhaps I'll just lie down here and mayhaps wait until you're done."

Hoshi rolled her eyes inwardly. _Talk about payback_, she thought, knowing she was paying the price for being so grumpy earlier. Turning her attention back to the screen, she looked at the first sentence of the text and tried to fathom its meaning, but if she'd had problems concentrating before, then now she could give up trying right away. She knew she had to tell him, and the sooner, the better. But she also knew that she couldn't tell him now; not like that.

"You know," she heard Malcolm's voice from behind her, "one of these days Enterprise is going to be blown to pieces by some enemy ship because these bloody targeting scanners keep going offline for no reason."

"Yes. Um... Malcolm..."

"Trip said I ought to reinstall the software, but I tried that at least a hundred times before and it never worked. Of course it didn't, since the bug is in the hardware, not the software, I told him before but he said -"

"Malcolm..."

He broke off. "Yes?"

But she couldn't bring herself to say anything. Not when his attention was totally focused on his targeting-whatever scanners and both of them were beat after a long day's work.

"Nothing," she said.

"Do you want me to shut up?"

"No, that's okay," she said. _I'm dying to hear what happens next_.

"Yeah, well...," he said, sounding as if he'd forgotten what he'd been about to say. "Anyway, these targeting scanners are really bugging me." He yawned. "I think I'm going to run another diagnosis check tomorrow."

"You do that."

There was silence for a while, and Hoshi stared at the screen in front of her, thinking. This situation was more than ridiculous. Here she was, trying to translate a deadly boring Andorian text about some new kind of hypospanner, and listening to an overtired Armoury Officer techno-babbling away about some scanners while she should be talking to him about the future of their child. And the longer she waited to tell him, the harder it would get. Hoshi came to a decision.

"Malcolm," she said. "I'm pregnant."

There was nothing; no scream, no gasping for air, no thumping sound as he fell off the bed. Not even a cough. Hoshi turned around to look if he'd maybe suffered a cardiac arrest and died, but right then a snore came from the direction of the bed. She let out the breath she'd been holding, and to her dismay realized she was feeling quite relieved. It did make her feel a bit guilty but she was glad she wouldn't have to face this particular argument - or whatever it would turn out to be - tonight.

Getting up from her chair she walked over to the bed and stood there for a moment, looking down at him. A wave of affection washed over her as she watched his sleeping face. He looked peaceful and relaxed, and although his mouth was slightly open and he was snoring as usual, she thought he looked gorgeous in his sleep. She'd always thought so. Getting a blanket from her cupboard, she spread it over him and stood there for another moment, then walked back over to her desk and sat down again. Maybe she would manage to get some work done after all.

TBC...

AN: Okay, there was a lot of R/S in this chapter, but in the next one and all following chapters Trip and T'Pol (and Sam) are going to play a big part too - so keep reading! (And please let us know what you think :-)! )


	2. Say What!

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Title: Family Conspiracy

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Authors: Sita/T'eyla

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Genre: Humor/Romance

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Rating: PG for language

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Codes: T/T, R/S, A

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AN: Thanks to Eratta, A. Windsor (thanks for reviewing The Family Way, glad you liked it :-) !), Jamieson Z, Phaser Lady, Exploded Pen (well, mayhaps Malcolm _is_ a little weird, but mayhaps he was just saying it to tease Hoshi... yes, it's supposed to mean "perhaps" or "maybe" :-) ) and the anonymous reader who submitted the "Please, sir, give me more"-review for reviewing Chapter 1. Here's Chapter 2 (with T&T and Sam!), hope you like it. Please r&r!

(2) Say What?!

It was the evening of the next day and Hoshi was on her way to Trip and T'Pol's quarters, feeling quite nervous about what she was going to do. Her day had been business as usual, but The Problem had been lurking in the back of her mind all the time, making it difficult for her to concentrate on her work. She was kind of glad Malcolm was still busy with his targeting scanners, so she wouldn't have to face him any time soon. While Hoshi felt bad for not telling him right away, she really had no idea how she was supposed to break the news. She'd been thinking about this all day, and then it suddenly had come to her mind that there was another person on board who had faced this particular problem not too long ago. And while T'Pol didn't usually handle matters the way Hoshi did, she was the only one Hoshi felt she could ask about this. Still, the thought of talking to the Vulcan Subcommander about this particular problem made her feel slightly nervous. Well, _very_ nervous, to be honest.

Hoshi came to stand in front of their door and took a deep breath.

__

Okay, she thought, _she's not going to bite you_._ Just do it._

She hit the door chime, and a moment later she heard T'Pol's muffled voice calling from inside.

"Come."

Hoshi entered, taking a quick look around, but she couldn't see T'Pol anywhere.

"Subcommander?" she asked hesitantly. "Are you there?"

"Just a moment, Ensign," T'Pol answered from the bathroom. "I am currently busy changing Sam; I will be with you in a moment."

"Okay," Hoshi answered, taking a few steps into the room. She hadn't been here very often, but every time she found it interesting to see how two people as different as Trip and T'Pol had managed to do up a living space together that was actually pretty comfortable-looking. On the wall over the bed hung several Vulcan wall hangings in muted brown and sepia tones, and in between Trip had crammed at least two hundred pictures, of his family at home, of the Enterprise crew, of dozens of people Hoshi didn't have the slightest idea who they were, and of course of him, T'Pol and Sam. Especially of Sam. Hoshi found it amazing that one could take so many pictures of a person who'd been on this world for only six months now. Most of the room was tidy and functional, except for the one corner on the left where Trip had his desk. The whole thing was covered with padds, papers, books, tools, empty coffee mugs, plates and a few of Sam's pacifiers, lying on top of a stack of technical manuals. On the small shelf next to the desk and on the floor around it the mess was even worse, but there seemed to be an invisible line separating Trip's chaos from the rest of the room where not a single thing looked awry or out of place. To Hoshi the whole place in itself seemed a manifestation of some kind of compromise in which both sides had made small amendments, but still found a way to express their own personal characteristics. And it seemed to work quite well. Hoshi couldn't think of one occasion when Trip and T'Pol had had any kind of serious argument, not about their quarters and not about anything else.

Hoshi heard the bathroom door swish open and turned around. T'Pol stepped out of the head, Sam in one arm and a folded blanket in the other. Hoshi gave her a nervous smile.

"Good evening, Subcommander."

T'Pol put Sam down on the carpet and gave him the blanket. Immediately he began to suck on one corner of it, blinking up at Hoshi. She smiled down at him. "Hi there."

Sam smiled back at her in a big toothless grin and T'Pol motioned her over to a chair.

"Please sit down, Ensign," she said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Is there something I can do for you?"

Hoshi was silent for a moment, not sure how to begin. T'Pol looked at her, eyebrows raised.

"Ensign?"

Hoshi cleared her throat. "Well, actually there is. I've... I've got a problem and I need your advice... not as my superior officer, though."

T'Pol's eyebrows climbed even higher. "What is your problem, Ensign?"

Looking at T'Pol's slightly confused expression, Hoshi sighed, wondering if this might have been a mistake, after all. But she'd said too much already, and couldn't possibly stop now.

"Well," she began, "yesterday Dr. Phlox called me to sickbay and told me there'd been a mistake with the routine check schedules, so I didn't get my injection this month."

T'Pol blinked. "And..."

Hoshi nodded miserably. "Yes. I'm pregnant."

T'Pol was silent for a moment. "I suppose Mr. Reed is the father?"

"Yes," Hoshi said, looking down at her hands. "And that's what the problem is about."

T'Pol frowned slightly. "I am not sure I completely understand. Would you prefer someone else as the father of your child?"

"No!" Hoshi shook her head, and although her situation was certainly not one to laugh about, she felt a smile tug at the corner of her mouth. "No, that's not what I meant. It's just that..."

She looked up at T'Pol. "I don't know how to tell him."

T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Hoshi shrugged helplessly. "I don't know... he's going to be so mad at me! I guess... I guess I'm a little afraid. I just don't know how he's going to react."

"You will not know how he is going to react until you have told him," T'Pol said, sounding as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it actually _was_, thinking about it, but this little piece of obvious information still didn't help Hoshi much.

"Yes I know, but still... well, what did you do?"

T'Pol's expression didn't change. "What are you referring to?"

__

Why does this have to be so hard? "How did you tell Trip when you were pregnant?" she asked.

T'Pol gave the tiniest of shrugs. "I just told him."

__

Why am I not surprised, Hoshi thought, sighing inwardly. "Well, and what did he do?"

T'Pol's eyebrow came up again as she remembered. "He ran away. I found his reaction to be quite illogical, but Dr. Phlox explained to me that it is normal for humans to have a strong emotional reaction when receiving these kind of news. But after a while, Charles calmed down again, so I suppose that will be the case with Mr. Reed as well. I do not think you have to be afraid, Ensign."

Hoshi stared at her, at a loss for words. T'Pol had quite a peculiar approach to the matter, even though Hoshi had to admit that her method might have certain advantages as well. But she wasn't really sure whether it would work for her. She'd just opened her mouth to say something else when the door swished open and Trip came in.

"Evening, honey," he said, and raised his eyebrows in surprise when he saw Hoshi sitting in his desk chair. "Hey, Hoshi."

Sam, who'd let go of his blanket immediately when he'd seen the door open, crawling towards it at an incredible speed, had just reached the doorway when Trip caught him by the back of his rompers.

"Hey, stop there!" Trip straightened up with Sam on his arm, who was looking at his father with an indignant expression on his face, and grinned at Hoshi. "He's always tryin' to get away. Just yesterday I had him with me in Engineering, and suddenly he was gone. We'd been lookin' for him for over half an hour when Hess found him asleep in one of the Jeffries tubes."

T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "You did not tell me about this, Charles," she said, and Hoshi had to suppress a grin at Trip's expression.

"Well, yes," he said, clearing his throat. "I must've forgotten."

He looked from T'Pol to Hoshi. "Did I interrupt you or somethin'?"

Looking down at Sam, he grinned. "Come on, tell me. Were they talkin' about me?"

Sam blinked up at him.

"Oh, I forgot, you're not talkin' to me because I ruined your plans of havin' that little stroll out in the hallway." Trip smiled. "He's been tryin' this little stunt ever since he's learned to crawl, but I always managed to catch him. So far."

He sat down next to T'Pol on the bed, put Sam down beside him and began to tickle him. Sam squealed with delight, and Trip looked up at T'Pol, grinning.

"Are all Vulcans that ticklish?" he asked, an evil glint appearing in his eye. "Gotta find out one day."

She stared back at him. "Believe me, you would not want to know."

Hoshi had a hard time suppressing a snort. Listening to Trip and T'Pol had been funny even before they'd become a couple, and now that they were married they were teasing and baiting each other even worse than before.

Trip turned back to Sam, who was just on his way to the edge of the bed, and pulled him back.

"You know what?" Trip turned to Hoshi. "He's learned his first word! I'm absolutely sure he said 'Jon' yesterday."

Hoshi raised her eyebrows. "Wow, I bet the Captain liked that."

"He did not say that," T'Pol said dryly. "He was only sneezing."

"He wasn't!" Trip said indignantly. "Jon told me he taught him to say it when he was babysitting him last Friday. And I know that I heard him say -"

"Charles... "

Trip looked up. "What?"

T'Pol folded her hands in her lap. "Ensign Sato and myself were just trying to find the solution to a problem. It is quite urgent, so -"

Trip gave Hoshi a look of surprise and turned to T'Pol. "What kind of problem?"

Frantically, Hoshi gestured at T'Pol behind Trip's back, trying to stop her from answering his question, but of course T'Pol wasn't looking her way.

"Ensign Sato is pregnant and does not know how to tell the father of the child about it," T'Pol said as calmly as if she were talking about the latest scanner updates. Trip's eyes grew wide, and Hoshi found herself wishing a hole would open up in the floor and swallow her.

"You're kiddin' me, aren't ya?"

He stared at Hoshi who slowly, miserably shook her head. "No, we're not. I found out yesterday when Phlox told me he'd forgotten my routine check this month."

It was almost funny to watch as realization slowly dawned on Trip's face.

"Oh no," he breathed. "Oh no. Oh shit. And... and... it's Malcolm...?"

Why in God's name did they all think they had to ask this? "Yes," she said, "yes, of course it's Malcolm."

Trip stared at her for another moment, then started laughing. He was shaking with laughter, holding onto the edge of the bed so as not to fall off, tears running down his cheeks. Hoshi closed her eyes, wishing fervently she'd never come here in the first place.

"Oh no... Oh my God... this is too much..." Trip shook his head. "Jon's gonna _kill_ you!"

"Yeah, thanks a lot, I figured that one out myself," Hoshi snapped. Trip slowly got himself under control again, wiping the tears off his cheeks.

"Sorry," he gasped, "sorry, Hoshi. It's just that... this is so... that this should happen to _Malcolm_!" He went into another laughing fit, and Hoshi briefly considered just getting up and leaving.

"I really don't know what's so funny about that!" she said angrily. T'Pol gave her an almost apologizing look.

"Charles," she said, "I do not think this is an appropriate reaction to Ensign Sato's situation."

Trip finally managed to stop laughing and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Hoshi," he said, "I'm really sorry. It's not that I don't take this seriously, it's just... well, think about it! Jon's gonna hit the roof, now it's already the second senior officer pregnant! Soon this ship's gonna need its own day care center! And Malcolm, of all people, he's always such a stickler for protocol and now this!"

"Well, it's not his fault," Hoshi said, throwing Trip a venomous look. "I told you, I forgot the routine check."

He started grinning again. "Well, I do think it's at least partly his fault..."

"Charles!" T'Pol gave him a reproachful look. "I think it would be a _wise_ decision on your part to refrain from participating in this conversation any further."

__

Yes, please, Hoshi thought. _Just shut up_.

Trip held up his hands. "Alright, alright." He fought to keep a straight face as he looked at her. "So you didn't tell him yet?"

"No, I didn't," she said, wondering why on Earth she was sitting here, discussing her unexpected pregnancy with a logical Vulcan and an insensitive pea-brain. Well, maybe she didn't really think Trip was a pea-brain, but right now he sure seemed like one. What the hell was so funny about this, anyway?

"Listen, I really don't want anybody to know about this," she said, "not before I've told Malcolm about it. I don't know how or when I'm going to tell him, but I don't want him to get the news by ship gossip. So please don't tell anyone, okay."

"Of course, Ensign," T'Pol said, giving Trip a hard look. He nodded hastily. "Sure, Hoshi, I won't say a word."

She got up. "Well, thanks then," she said, walking over to the door. "See you tomorrow."

"Good evening Ensign." T'Pol gave her a last nod, and Hoshi stepped out onto the corridor. When she'd almost reached the turbolift, she heard the door swish open again behind her.

"Hey Hoshi! Wait a minute."

She turned around and saw Trip coming towards her.

"Hoshi," he said, sounding rather rueful, "look, I'm sorry I laughed earlier. I didn't mean to be rude or somethin'." He paused. "If you want me to, I'll talk to him -"

"Thanks, Trip," Hoshi interrupted, "but I think I'd rather talk to him myself. Thanks anyway, though. Just..." She gave him an imploring look. "_Don't tell anybody, okay!_"

Trip smiled at her. "Promise," he said. "I won't tell."

__

Well, let's hope so, Hoshi thought, looking after him as he walked back to his quarters. _Because if you do, I'm gonna kill you personally._

TBC...

Please let us know what you think!


	3. The Woes Of Jonathan Archer

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Title: Family Conspiracy

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Authors: Sita/T'eyla

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Genre: Humor/Romance

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Rating: PG for language

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Codes: T/T, R/S, A

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AN: Thanks to Ocean, Nala, A.Windsor and Sarah Owen for reviewing Chapter 2.Here's Chapter 3 (Sam in action :-) ); please r&r!

(3) The Woes Of Jonathan Archer

"By the way, I've decided the crew could use some shore leave. Last time we had some R&R was half a year ago, back on Earth. What do you think of Antares?"

They were all sitting in the Captain's mess, Archer, Trip, T'Pol and Sam, having breakfast. Trip, who was holding a spoon in one hand and a bowl with baby food of a slightly unhealthy shade of orange in the other, looked up at Jon.

"Antares sounds great. Isn't that the place with all those sandy beaches Travis told us about a few weeks ag - no, Sam, stop that!!"

But it was too late. Trip wiped some of the wet slobber off his cheek, grimacing down at Sam who was grinning at him, apparently enjoying the sight of his father all covered in orange slime. T'Pol raised an eyebrow and Archer grinned.

"He's getting to be quite good at it, isn't he?" he asked conversationally. "Hardly ever misses anymore."

Trip rolled his eyes, cleaning his face with Sam's napkin, and dipped the spoon into the bowl again.

"Okay, sonny," he said as he saw Sam eyeing the spoon expectantly, "we'll give it one last try. If you spit it all over me again, then breakfast's over for you."

Sam blinked up at him and opened his mouth. Throwing his son a suspicious look, Trip put the spoon into Sam's mouth, and a second later he was all covered in baby food again.

"Okay, I've had it," he said, putting the bowl down. "No more orange mush for you."

Sam stared up at him for a moment, then began groping for the bowl, almost falling off his high chair as he tried to knock it over. Hastily, Trip snatched the bowl out of his reach.

"Oh no, you don't," he said. "I'm not scraping any more dried baby food off this carpet."

T'Pol looked up from her plomeek broth, raising a disapproving eyebrow.

"Charles," she said, "it is illogical to punish him by refusing to give him any more food. He has not yet grasped the concept of right and wrong behaviour."

"I'm not punishing him!" Trip said indignantly. "I just don't wanna have all his breakfast down the front of my uniform when I go down to Engineerin' later. I'm the runnin' gag with my staff anyway, all covered in orange slime every mornin'."

Archer snorted. "Come on," he said to Sam, picking up the bowl, "let's show daddy how this is done."

With the air of a teacher showing a dim-witted student how the simplest of experiments is done, he dipped the spoon into the baby food and started feeding Sam.

__

Come on, son, Trip thought malevolently, _you did it before, you can do it again._

But Sam, the traitor, swallowed Archer's spoonfuls as meekly as you please, and Jon threw Trip a triumphant glance.

"See?" he said. "You just have to be more patient with him."

Trip rolled his eyes and picked up his fork, turning back to his own breakfast. A moment later, however, he heard a familiar spitting sound and Archer cried out in disgust.

"Sam!"

Trip looked up, and saw Sam grinning up at Jon whose face was dripping with orange goo. 

"Patient, huh?" he asked grinning, winking at his son. Archer wiped his face, throwing Trip a sour look.

"Seems he's been watching you eat for too long," he said, and Trip was already opening his mouth to give a smart reply when T'Pol interrupted.

"I think it would be the most logical way of action if I finished feeding him," she said, picking up the bowl, getting up and moving around the table to sit beside Sam. "He never spit on me before."

"Probably doesn't dare to," Trip muttered, watching enviously as T'Pol began feeding Sam spoonfuls of baby food which he swallowed with a very grave and very Vulcan expression on his face, as if the illogical idea of spitting his breakfast all over people had never even crossed his mind.

"Well, growin' up on this ship he's bound to be a little psychotic," Trip said, turning back to his scrambled eggs. "I wonder if Hoshi's gonna have the same problems a year from now," he added without thinking. The next moment he clapped his hand over his mouth, realizing what he'd just said and winced in pain as T'Pol's boot connected with his shin under the table.

"Charles!" she hissed, but it was already too late. Archer's eyes had grown wide, and he stared at Trip with a mixture of shock and disbelief on his face.

"What was that about Hoshi?" he asked and T'Pol hastily answered before Trip could say anything: "Nothing, Captain. Nothing of importance."

Archer shook his head. "Oh no," he said. "You were saying something about Hoshi having the same problems. What did you mean by that?"

Helplessly, Trip glanced over at T'Pol who gave him the worst drop-dead stare he'd ever seen in his life. Realizing there was no way he could get out of this one, he looked back at Archer.

"Well, Jon," he said, "it's just that... erm... well, Hoshi, she..."

"Yes?" Archer said, his eyebrows drawing together.

"Yes, well... Hoshi..."

T'Pol gave a small sigh. "Ensign Sato is pregnant," she said. There was silence for moment.

"You're joking," Archer said weakly. "You're joking, aren't you?"

Pleadingly, he looked at Trip who shook his head, feeling the worst idiot in the world. "No, Jon," he said in a small voice. "No joke. She told us not to tell anybody since she hasn't told Malcolm yet and - "

"Malcolm?" Archer asked despairingly.

Trip nodded. "Yes. He's the father."

"No." Archer closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "No. This can't be for real."

He opened his eyes again, getting up. His face had turned an interesting shade of red. "Well, that does it! Have you all completely lost your minds? What do you think I'm running here, a starship or a kindergarden?! And you're senior officers, too!!"

He turned around, stomping off in direction of the door. "Ohhh, I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind..."

Trip got up. "Jon, wait!"

But the door had already swished shut behind Archer. Trip stood there for a moment, then plopped back down onto his chair, burying his face in his hands.

"I'm such a stupid moron," he sighed miserably, glancing over at T'Pol who had resumed feeding Sam. She looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"In this case, Charles," she said, "I tend to agree with you."

-###-

Hoshi was sitting at her station on the bridge and just calling up her to-do list for the day when she heard the turbolift doors swish open. Turning around to see if it was Malcolm, she startled. It wasn't Malcolm, it was Captain Archer, and he looked mad. No, not mad, he looked _furious_. And he was heading in her direction.

"Sato!" he barked. "My ready room! Now!"

Bewildered, she got up from her chair and followed him as he marched off to his ready room without looking back. He'd never called her Sato before, not even that time when Porthos had been sick, and then he'd been in a _really_ foul mood. Something really bad must have happened.

As the door of the ready room had closed behind them he turned around and fixed her with a piercing glare. Hoshi could practically see the steam coming out of his ears as he spoke.

"Ensign Sato, I just got most interesting news from Commander Tucker. I've only got one question: Is it true?"

Hoshi stared at him, not able to believe what he'd just said.

__

He promised, she thought. _He promised! That idiotic pea brain promised not to say a word! Oh yes, he's a pea brain, alright!_

Feeling murderous fury rising within her, she turned to the door.

"Trip," she muttered under her breath, not caring if Archer was listening or not. "I am going to kill you! I'm going to kick your sorry ass from here to Sibiria!"

She reached out to press the door button, but right then Archer snatched her hand away from the panel.

"Stop right there, Ensign! If anyone's going to kill anybody here, then that'll be me. You haven't answered my question yet. Is it true?"

Still shaking with anger, she turned around. "YES! Yes, dammit, it's true! Of _course_ it's true! And no, I'm not kidding, and yes, Malcolm is the father, and no, I haven't told him yet, and whatever other stupid question you want to ask, ask it NOW because IN A FEW MINUTES I'LL BE BUSY KILLING THAT IDIOTIC BIRD-BRAIN OF AN ENGINEER!!!"

Startled, Archer took a step backwards, then his face turned even redder than before.

"You can stop shouting like that RIGHT AWAY, Ensign! I'm the one who'll do the shouting here! What the hell were you THINKING, when I got this job I was planning to be the captain of a STAR SHIP and not a frigging PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER, I can't have my senior officers getting pregnant one by one, good Lord in heaven, you're the third one ALREADY -"

"DO YOU THINK I DID IT ON PURPOSE?" Hoshi yelled, and saw Archer wince at her high-pitched tone of voice. "I certainly wasn't planning on that, and Malcolm wasn't either! It's all your fault, anyway, you had to change that stupid duty roster, and so Phlox forgot my routine check, and... and..." Her voice cracked. She knew she was talking absolute bullshit, and somewhere in the back of her mind she also knew she was being hysterical, but she couldn't help it.

"This whole thing is so messed up," she said and to her dismay noticed she was crying again. "And I just don't know how to tell him, either."

Archer, who had been just standing there, staring at her as she hurled her accusations at him, took a step towards her and put a tentative hand on her arm.

"Come on, Hoshi," he said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Come on, don't cry. I'm sorry."

"No, that's okay," she sobbed and dug a kleenex from her pocket. "I know I really screwed up this time."

Archer cleared his throat, and realizing what she'd just said, Hoshi felt warmth creeping up in her cheeks.

"No, I mean... "

"That's alright," Archer said, apparently trying hard not to grin. "I know what you meant. So you haven't told Malcolm yet?"

Hoshi sniffed. "No. I just don't know how to." She bit her lip, trying to get a grip on herself, but somehow she couldn't keep the tears at bay. Yelling at Archer had brought up all the upset feelings she'd had a hard time controlling during those last two days, and while she felt quite embarrassed at sobbing hysterically in front of her Captain, she somehow just couldn't seem to stop. Archer put a reassuring arm around her shoulders and guided her over to a chair, handing her another kleenex.

"Now, Hoshi," he said, "don't cry. I'm sure we'll find a solution to this. Do you want me to call Malcolm, so we -"

"No!" Hoshi raised her head. "Not now. I can't. Not like that. See, he's going to be so mad at me... "

Archer frowned. "Well, I'm sure Malcolm will be quite... surprised at first, but I don't think he'll be mad at you."

Hoshi shook her head. "You don't understand. We never even really talked about kids, and he's so... he's going to be so upset!"

Archer sat down on the edge of his desk. "Well, I admit Lieutenant Reed can be quite... difficult sometimes, but you do have to tell him sometime soon."

"I know," she said miserably, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "But I just can't think of _how_ to tell him."

Archer sighed and wiped his chin, thinking. "Hm... maybe it might be a good idea to tell him on shore leave."

Hoshi raised her head. "Shore leave?"

"We're going to stop by Antares for a week of R & R after we've finished cartographing this system. This shouldn't take more than another two days, so you two'll soon be able to have some time for yourselves." He paused, considering. "Maybe we can help you break the news gently so he won't get all upset."

Hoshi threw him a suspicious look. "Help me?"

"Yeah, sure." Archer gave her a confident grin. "I'm sure together we'll manage just fine."

Hoshi had serious doubts about this, but knew this was not the time to argue with her Captain, considering that she'd just managed to get back into his good graces.

"Well, thanks," she said, getting up. "If it's okay, I think I'd better go now and, um, get myself cleaned up."

"Sure," Archer said, smiling at her once again. "Don't worry, Hoshi."

Hoshi nodded weakly, turning to the door.

__

With the prospect of everybody messing with my personal business, trying to think up new ways of how exactly I should give Malcolm a heart attack, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, she thought. _Nothing to worry about at all._

TBC...

Please let us know what you think!


	4. Seaside Horrors

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Title: Family Conspiracy

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Authors: Sita/T'eyla

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Genre: Humor/Romance

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Rating: PG for language

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Codes: T/T, R/S, A

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AN: Thanks to A.Windsor, HoVis, Exploded Pen, Aelan Greenleaf, tracy-thegigglingcubednag(hey, don't be so mean to poor Trip :-)!), hey (despite Siberia being spelled with an I, did you like the _story_?), HAA and neenee(did you get our e-mail? If not - and for everybody else who wondered: Trip is the third senior officer who got pregnant *g*) for reviewing Chapter 3. Here's another one; hope you'll enjoy it! Please r&r!

(4) Seaside Horrors

Reed was sitting next to Hoshi, gazing out the shuttle window and enjoying the view. It almost looked like a picture in one of those shiny tourist brochures; a long white sandy beach, complete with a turquoise sea and a cloudless sky above. There even were a few trees growing along the shore, not palm trees, of course - their leaves were a deep shade of purple - but they looked nice enough. The coast grew steadily bigger as the shuttle approached, and Malcolm leaned back in his seat, feeling completely relaxed for the first time in days.

The last week had been quite taxing. Those blasted targeting scanners had been driving him up the wall, going offline at least three times a day, and when he'd finally found out what was wrong with them, one not-too-bright member of his staff had accidently short-circuited the main console, messing up all the data. Reed had spent the following two days getting the launching sequences and security codes back into order again and had hardly found the time to go to the mess hall to get himself some coffee, let alone spend some time with Hoshi. But he had every intention of making it up to her during shore leave, and as he watched the silhouette of a small city next to the coast growing bigger, he found himself quite looking forward to this vacation.

Of course, this time there would be no bar-hopping together with Trip, but then, he wasn't too sorry about that. He had no intention of spending his shore leave tied up down in some basement again. Archer had rented a holiday apartment near the beach like he'd done on Risa, and Trip and T'Pol had decided to do the same thing, asking Hoshi and him to come along as well. Malcolm found it quite amusing that although they'd been stuck together on Enterprise for more than six months now, they still decided to spend their vacation together, but then, that was okay with him. He just wanted to have some peace and quiet after a whole week of working twelve-hour-shifts in the Armoury.

"Sam, don't!" Trip's voice startled him out of his thoughts. Reed turned his head and saw Sam who was sitting on the floor of the shuttle, chewing on something that looked suspiciously like a dog biscuit. Porthos was circling him, barking excitedly and wagging his tail, but Sam apparently had no intention of giving him back his treat. Trip had gotten up from his seat and was now kneeling beside Sam, trying to wrench the dog biscuit from his fingers.

"Ugh, that's disgustin', Sam, don't eat that!"

Trip finally managed to pry Sam's fingers apart, taking the soggy dog biscuit between two fingers and giving it back to Porthos who gobbled it down quickly. Sam let out an outraged cry as he saw his snack disappear in someone else's mouth and started crawling towards Porthos, who retreated hastily.

"Leave poor Porthos alone, it's not his fault," Trip said to his son, picking him up. Sam started wailing, and Malcolm saw Trip throwing a sour look at T'Pol whose attention was totally focused on something on a padd she was holding.

"Some mother you are," Trip grumbled and T'Pol looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"I do not believe this dog biscuit would have done serious harm to his metabolism," she said, and Trip rolled his eyes.

Reed shook his head inwardly. _I really don't wan't to know what else this boy has been eating when his parents weren't looking_, he thought and threw a glance at Hoshi who was biting back a grin.

"If Sam wants another dog biscuit, there are some more in the side pocket of my bag," Archer called from the pilot seat. Malcolm seriously hoped he was joking.

"Harhar," Trip said, rocking his son on his knees. Sam had stopped crying by now but was still scowling up at his father. T'Pol hadn't looked up at all.

"I do get the impression this crew is in dire need of some shore leave," Hoshi whispered in Malcolm's ear, and he had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud.

__

Truer word was never spoken, he thought, glancing out the window again. He heard Trip's voice behind his back.

"Where's Travis, by the way?"

"He's gone mountain climbing with some guys from beta shift," Hoshi answered, and Trip chuckled.

"Let's hope he doesn't go and break his leg again," he said. "Somehow that always seems to happen when he's somewhere mountain climbing."

"Or white-water rafting," Malcolm said, shuddering inwardly. He would never understand what was supposed to be so fascinating about this particular kind of sport.

"Or hang gliding," Archer added, and everybody except T'Pol grinned as they thought of Travis always coming back from shore leave with various aches and pains, swearing that he would never do something as crazy as mountain climbing again. Or white-water rafting. Or hang gliding.

"Well, I'm certainly looking forward to some _real_ R & R," Archer said. "I'm sure you'll appreciate some peace and quiet, too, won't you, Hoshi?" he added cryptically.

Reed frowned and gave Hoshi a questioning look, but she just shrugged, looking slightly nervous for some reason Malcolm could not fathom. He shook his head, thinking that peculiar incoherent statements like that one were just another sign of how badly this crew needed a vacation.

__

Well, at least I do, he thought, leaning back in his seat again. _A whole week of peace and quiet. Wonderful._

-###-

For the second time in ten minutes T'Pol brushed some sand off the display of her padd and found herself wondering what exactly humans found so fascinating about sitting on a stretch of sand, wearing ridiculous pieces of clothing, getting sunburned, and acting as if they were having the time of their lives.

One of her crew mates, though, seemed to have similar thoughts concerning this particular spare time activity. T'Pol glanced over at Lieutenant Reed, who was sitting on the beach towel next to hers. Judging by his gloomy expression it seemed like he would have preferred anything, even a space battle with several heavily armed Klingon cruisers, to this visit to the beach. Although he'd grudgingly put on his Starfleet issue swimming trunks after some serious persuading on Ensign Sato's part, he had hastily retreated into the shadow of the sunshade immediately after the others had left, muttering something about getting a horrible sunburn. Ensign Sato had also tried to talk him into joining her and the others as they went to 'go for a swim', but to no avail. Now he was sitting in the shadow, frowning down at some book he was apparently trying to concentrate on. From time to time he raised his head, nervously glancing down at the water where Captain Archer, Charles and Ensign Sato were currently engaging in the activity they called 'going for a swim'. Charles had insisted on taking Sam with him, saying this was a good opportunity for Sam to get acquainted with water, and while T'Pol did not remotely understand the use of that, she was quite glad to have some time for herself so she could get at least part of her paperwork done. Just as she turned around to get another padd from her bag, she heard Lieutenant Reed's voice behind her.

"Oh my God, look what they're doing!"

Frowning at his shocked tone of voice, T'Pol turned her head and saw Charles and Captain Archer in the water several feet away from the shore, splashing around while throwing something back and forth between them. A second later the something gave a delighted squeal, and she realized it was Sam.

"Now they've completely lost their minds!"

She looked over at Lieutenant Reed, who was sitting bolt upright, staring down at Charles and Archer with a horrified expression on his face.

"I do not think there is a reason to worry, Lieutenant," she said, wondering why he was so upset. "I am sure Charles is taking appropriate care and it does seem like Sam is enjoying it."

Lieutenant Reed did not seem convinced. He continued throwing nervous glances at Archer, Charles and Ensign Sato, who by now had stopped throwing Sam back and forth. Now the Captain was holding him, using his other hand to throw a small stick which Porthos kept bringing back to him. A few feet away Ensign Sato was splashing water at Charles who was backing away, holding up his hands and laughing. T'Pol raised an eyebrow. They seemed to be getting along well enough, which she found quite surprising, considering the fact that only three days ago Ensign Sato had come to their quarters in a state of outraged fury, demanding that Charles come out so she could "rip off his head and skin him alive". Although Ensign Sato's reaction had of course been overly emotional, T'Pol found herself sympathising with her to a certain degree. It had been quite ill-considered on Charles' part to tell the Captain about Ensign Sato's pregnancy, even though he had not meant to do so.

"How can you just sit there and watch while they're trying to drown your son out there?"

T'Pol turned her head and met Lieutenant Reed's accusing stare. He actually seemed close to fidgeting, glancing nervously at the nearby sea, and she wondered with a touch of irritation why he was so worried all the time.

"Lieutenant. I do not think anyone is trying to drown Sam," she said, and Reed raised his eyebrows, a doubtful expression on his face.

"As I said before, there is no reason to worry," she added rather impatiently, and he turned back to his book, muttering under his breath: "Says you."

T'Pol looked back down at her padd, inwardly shaking her head. Lieutenant Reed was indeed behaving quite strangely. Ever since he'd first seen the water he'd been rather nervous and his discomfort seemed to have increased the longer they stayed. She remembered how they'd arrived at the beach, and Charles had set Sam down on the sand, turning away for a second to get a beach towel out of his bag. Sam had seized the opportunity to get away and had set off for the sea, crawling towards it at an enormous speed. Before she'd been able to react, though, Lieutenant Reed had dived after him, grabbing him around the waist and sweeping him up as if he'd been about to go over the edge of a deep lava-filled canyon. Sam, of course, had started wailing, and as Charles had taken the baby away from him, asking rather crossly if there was something wrong with Sam enjoying his freedom a little, Reed had been quite surprised. "Do you want him to fall into that ocean and drown?" he'd asked, and Charles had rolled his eyes, muttering something about paranoid Security monsters.

She glanced over at Reed again, who was gloomily frowning down at his book and decided it would probably do no harm to just ask him about it.

"Mr. Reed," she began, and he jumped, his head coming up sharply.

"What?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I do not mean to interfere with your personal business, but I get the impression you are feeling quite... nervous. Is there a reason for that?"

He looked at her for a moment, pursing his lips. "I don't like water," he mumbled then, turning his eyes away.

T'Pol frowned. "But as far as I know, you grew up on an island, did you not?"

He scowled back at her. "I didn't like water then either."

She'd just decided that there wasn't much use in pursuing the matter any further when she saw Archer, Charles and Ensign Sato coming back up the beach towards them. When Sam's eyes fell on his mother sitting there, he started squirming in his father's arms. Charles set him down, and Sam sped towards her, squawking happily. She picked him up, and a moment later she was all wet and covered in sand.

"This is most unpleasant, Sam."

Just as she reached for her bag to get a towel, Charles plopped down beside her on the beach towel, throwing one wet and sandy arm around her shoulders.

"Ya think so, honey?"

She shot him a venomous look, but he just grinned at her and looked over at Malcolm, who seemed quite relieved now that everybody was back out of the water again.

"Hey, killjoy, been havin' fun?" he asked and groped for the book Malcolm had put aside. "What's this? Some more James Joyce to brighten up your day?"

Reed snatched the book away. "Don't get it all wet!"

Archer grinned. "Seems like everybody's enjoying having you back, Trip."

"Well, you know, Trip, for some people Joyce is just too demanding," Hoshi said and Reed smirked.

"They're bein' mean to me, honey!" Trip said, looking back at T'Pol, who gave him another long look.

"Let go of me," she said. "You are getting my shirt wet."

"Okay, okay," he said, releasing her and picking up Sam who had been just on his way to Archer's bag, probably to get some more dog biscuits.

"They all hate me, son," he complained, but Sam only blinked up at him.

"No wonder," Reed murmured, and Hoshi sniggered. Trip picked up a handful of sand and threw it in Malcolm's direction. Reed ducked away quickly.

Archer held up his hands. "Okay, before you start killing each other here, I suggest we settle the question of what we'll do tomorrow. I was planning on visiting the State Museum in the capital, and as far as I remember, you wanted to come along, didn't you?"

He glanced at T'Pol who raised an eyebrow. "Indeed Captain."

Trip looked slightly alarmed. "But you don't want me to come, too, do you?"

"I would appreciate it if you accompanied us," T'Pol said, looking up at him. Trip opened his mouth and closed it again, sighing. Then his face lit up again as he remembered something.

"But we can't possibly take Sam along to a State Museum," he said. "Somebody's gotta stay home to look after him."

"Malcolm and me could babysit him, Trip," Hoshi said sweetly. "Then you'll have all day to thoroughly enjoy the State Museum."

Trip shot her a murderous look. "Well, thanks, Hoshi," he said, "but I don't think that'll be _necessary_."

"Oh, we would be _happy_ to take him, wouldn't we, Malcolm?" Malcolm, who was looking from Hoshi to Trip with a rather confused expression on his face, nodded bewildered.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," he said and Trip gave Hoshi a drop-dead stare T'Pol would have been proud of.

"Well," Archer said, "if that's settled, then let's get going. I'm hungry."

They began gathering their stuff together, and when Malcolm wasn't looking Hoshi quickly bent over to Trip who was busy folding up Sam's towel.

"Ha, sweet revenge," she whispered and chuckled as Trip scowled at her. "Hope you'll enjoy yourself."

TBC...

Please let us know what you think!


	5. Bad Moon Rising

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Title: Family Conspiracy

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Authors: Sita/T'eyla

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Genre: Humor/Romance

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Rating: PG for language

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Codes: T/T, R/S, A

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AN: Thanks to Exploded Pen (hehe, brain on overload?), A.Windsor, Phaser Lady (well, yes, Hoshi's taking her time *g*), Sarah Owen and Shira(are you sure that you want us to describe Trip's swimming trunks? :-) No, seriously, thank you for your constructive criticism and we shall try to keep it in mind in the future) for reviewing Chapter 4.

Will she finally tell him in Chapter 5?

Please r&r!

(5) Bad Moon Rising

In the late afternoon of the next day Hoshi was on her way back to the holiday apartment she shared with Malcolm, carrying several big bulging bags containing fruits, vegetables, small pouches filled with exotic spices, two pairs of mocassin-like sandals and a small, quite tacky wall hanging. It sure was extraordinarily ugly and back in her quarters on Enterprise there wasn't any space to hang a wall hanging, anyway. She didn't really know what to do with those mocassins, either, but that guy back on the market had sounded like not owning these sandals was the one thing that had kept her from total happiness so far, and so Hoshi had bought two pairs, one for her and one for Malcolm.

__

Actually, I don't think he would wear them even if his life depended on it, she thought. Why in God's name was it that she always bought every single useless souvenir that caught her eye when she was on vacation? Every time she came back from shore leave she would have to get out a huge plastic sack, stuff in all the useless pieces of junk she'd found in her bag coming home from another crazy shore leave shopping trip, and dump them into the waste recycler. This time had been especially bad, partly because on this market there'd been an extraordinarily huge number of mercants offering all kinds of wonderful pieces of junk, and partly because she'd had all the time in the world to get her shopping done.

That, however, was Malcolm's fault, since he'd absolutely refused to engage in any kind of activity today except sitting on the porch, sipping tea and reading his book. When Hoshi had suggested going to the beach, Malcolm had only given her a long look and had started lecturing her on all the horrible things that could and probably would happen if they were to take Sam to the beach. "Remember how fast he is," he'd said. "He'll run off into the water and drown for sure."

She'd seen right through him, of course, but had agreed anyway, suggesting that they'd do some hiking instead.

"Are you mad?" he'd asked incredulously. "I've never heard of such a daft thing before, taking a baby on a mountain climbing tour!"

"Not mountain climbing," she'd said. "Hiking! On hiking trails, you know."

But Malcolm had shook his head. "He's really fast, remember. One second you're not looking, and the next he's gone over the edge of a canyon."

"A canyon?" she'd asked, and he'd shrugged.

"Yeah. Or there might be some kind of... animals in the woods. You never know on these alien planets."

Resignedly, she'd suggested going for a walk through the town, but of course he'd declined, pointing out the manifold dangers of exploring unknown terrain in broad daylight.

She'd had enough then, and, telling him he apparently needed his head examined, she'd grabbed her purse and had marched off to the market.

__

Well, serves him right, the old couch potato, Hoshi thought as she walked up the hill towards the apartment bungalows. _Now I'm gonna make him wear those sandals for sure_.

As she started ascending the stone steps that led up to the building complex, one of the bags shifted in her arms, and some of the fruit fell out, bouncing down the steps. Cursing under her breath, she set down her shopping and bent down to pick up the peach-like fruits. Dusting them off, she put them back into the shopping bag, surveying the other contents.

__

Well, guess I'll have to improvise a bit, she thought. On Enterprise she rarely ever got the chance to do some cooking, but she'd been planning on making it up to herself during this vacation. She'd brought with her most of the ingredients she needed to prepare various dishes, but of course she hadn't been able to bring fruit and vegetables. Well, on an alien planet you didn't get things like tomatoes or apples, of course, but she'd found some rather interesting substitutes. And tonight, she wanted dinner to be perfect.

Tonight, she intended to finally do what she should have done a week ago; she wanted to finally tell him. She couldn't stand this anymore. The situation was ridiculous and she was fed up with everybody throwing her conspiratorial looks, making cryptic statements that left Malcolm confused and made her feel nervous and embarrassed at the same time. She was sure that by now he'd noticed something was wrong. Yesterday after they'd returned from the beach he'd asked her what all the babysitting business with Trip had been about and when she'd answered quite lamely that she just liked to tease the Commander a little from time to time, he'd given her one of those looks that told her he didn't believe one word of what she was saying.

__

I really do have to tell him, or he'll start thinking something else is going on here, she thought, smiling at the irony of it.

By now she'd reached the front door of their apartment, and using her elbow she pushed the button on the panel beside the door and entered. Putting her grocery bags down on the kitchen table, she crossed the living area and stepped out onto the porch.

Malcolm was reclining in one of the deckchairs, reading his book, a glass of iced tea standing within reach on the wooden planks of the porch. She looked around for Sam. First she couldn't see him anywhere, but then her eyes fell on the playpen standing in the grass a few feet away from the porch. Sam was sitting smack in the middle of his completely empty cage, staring out from behind the bars with a slightly forlorn expression on his face.

She turned her head back to Malcolm, and saw Porthos lying on the floor next to the deckchair, the end of his leash tied to the leg of the garden table. The sad expression on the dog's face mirrored Sam's.

Malcolm raised his head as he noticed her standing there.

"Hey Hoshi," he said. "Back already?"

She took a few steps towards him, putting her hands on her hips.

"What's this?" she asked. "Malcolm's little private prison?"

His eyebrows came up in surprise. "Excuse me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, just look at you! Some babysitter you are, he's not your prisoner!"

Shaking her head, she went down the porch steps and walked over to the playpen. When Sam saw her coming, he crawled towards her and closed his fists around the bars, pulling himself upwards.

"Poor little guy, did he lock you up in this cage! And he didn't even give you some toys to play with," she said, picking him up and turning back to Malcolm, who'd gotten up from his chair. "Really, now what were you thinking, putting him in this thing when there's the whole garden for him to crawl around! And let poor Porthos off that leash!"

"Well, he wasn't complaining," Malcolm said, hastily bending down to release Porthos who, as soon as he was off the leash, bounded down the porch steps, obviously glad to have regained his freedom. Hoshi rolled her eyes.

"He wasn't complaining! What did you expect him to do, quote the Human Rights Convention? He's only a baby, in case you didn't notice."

She set Sam down on the grass and he immediately began crawling towards Porthos, who was sniffing at something under a tree.

"You could have let him crawl around on the grass, at least," she said, giving Malcolm a reproachful look. He frowned.

"On the grass? There might be all kinds of insects, bees or wasps or something. I didn't want anything to happen to him."

Hoshi felt like banging her head against a tree. If he was being like that, how could she ever, ever, ever tell him? He'd probably lock her up in some top security cell with five guards in front of the door, if he didn't die of a heart attack first.

She took a deep breath. "Okay, Malcolm. I am going to go inside now to fix us some dinner. _You_'re going to stay here and look after Sam and Porthos without locking them up or tying them to tables." She smirked at him. "Maybe if you're feeling really generous you could even play with Sam a little."

Malcolm, who was looking slightly guilty by now, came down the porch steps. "And you're absolutely sure it wouldn't be better to at least put him on a blanket?" he asked and Hoshi shook her head.

"No, Malcolm. He's going to be just fine. Just let him crawl around a bit, okay?"

He crossed his arms, still looking rather doubtful. "If you say so."

"Yes, I say so." Shaking her head once more, she walked up the porch steps again and went inside.

__

Seems like I'm in for an interesting evening, she thought.

-###-

"Well, that's lovely, Hoshi."

Hoshi looked up from her plate and smiled at Malcolm who'd just put a forkful of lamb chop into his mouth. He looked quite pleased indeed, and although Hoshi knew Malcolm usually didn't care much what exactly it was that he was shovelling off his plate and into his mouth, she'd been sure he would like this particular dish, after all.

After some serious hunting through her archives she'd found a recipe for lamb chops with pineapple and although it had been quite difficult to talk Chef into giving her some of his precious pineapple reserves, Hoshi had nevertheless managed to get all the ingredients together. And now that she saw it all set up in front of her on the table, she knew it had been worth the trouble.

Sam, who apparently found it very exciting to have dinner outdoors, was happily babbling away in his high chair, banging his bottle on the table in front of him. Hoshi smiled at him.

"Yes, you're hungry too, I know." She looked up at Malcolm again. "Excuse me for a second, I'll get his dinner from the kitchen."

He got up, motioning for her to stay seated. "I can do that," he said. "I'll feed him, I haven't done that in ages."

Hoshi watched him go inside and smiled down at Sam, who was still clunking his bottle on the table, eyeing her expectantly.

"Well, Sam, you gotta be really good tonight," she said. "We got important things to talk about."

Sam chose that moment to throw his bottle onto the floor and Malcolm, who had just returned from the kitchen, bent down to pick it up.

"Hey, don't do that, you might still need it later."

He sat down, opening the jar of baby food he'd brought with him and poured its green lumpy contents into a bowl. Stirring it with a spoon he frowned down at it.

"Is it supposed to look like... well, like that?"

Hoshi grinned. "I think so," she said. "He doesn't seem to mind, though."

She looked over at Sam who was hopping up and down in his chair, squawking excitedly. Malcolm dipped a spoon into the bowl, pausing for a moment.

"You sure you want to eat that?" he asked, looking at Sam, who gave an impatient cry and lunged for the spoon, missing it only narrowly.

"Hey, don't be so mean to him," Hoshi said, starting to cut up her lamb chops. Watching Malcolm feed Sam spoonful after spoonful of green mush, she felt slightly amused and nervous at the same time. She knew that now was the time to finally open her mouth and start that conversation she'd been dreading for days.

"Malcolm," she began, "do you... do you remember when T'Pol was pregnant and Trip told you-"

Suddenly Sam gave the spoon a sharp smack, and the green mush flew up, most of it splashing into Malcolm's face.

"Sam! You pig!" he cried out in disgust, cleaning his face with his napkin. Sam laughed in delight, clapping his hands on the table. Malcolm grimaced.

"Like father, like son," he said, and despite her anxiety Hoshi had to laugh.

"Now, I never saw Trip doing that," she said and Malcolm raised his eyebrows at her.

"I bet as a baby he did."

Hoshi grinned. "And you didn't?"

"Never," he said with a deadpan expression on his face and Hoshi smiled again. Malcolm resumed feeding Sam, picking up his own fork from time to time to put a piece of lamb chop into his mouth. After a moment Hoshi decided to try again.

"Listen, Malcolm," she said, "what I was about to say... when T'Pol was pregnant, did Trip ever talk to you about... the whole thing? How he felt about it?"

Malcolm raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No, he didn't. Why do you ask?"

Hoshi opened her mouth to continue, but suddenly there was a loud crash.

"Oh, Sam!" Malcolm got up. Sam had been groping for the bowl, and when they both hadn't been looking he'd managed to knock it down onto the floor. The green goo was spattered all over the porch planks and Malcolm's shoes. Sam leaned over the armrest of his chair, craning his neck to see where his dinner had gone and Hoshi pulled him back.

"Hey, mister, don't fall out of that chair!"

Malcolm, in the meantime, had picked up his napkin and was now busy wiping off his shoes and cleaning up the mess on the floor. Looking up at Sam who was watching him with an interested expression on his face, he turned his head and raised his eyebrows at Hoshi.

"Look at him!" he said. "He's laughing at me! I'm sure he did it on purpose."

Hoshi bit back a grin. "Well, serves you right. Shouldn't have locked him up earlier."

He smiled a little. "I'm never going to live this one down, am I?"

Getting up again, he gathered up the soggy green napkins and carried them inside.

Hoshi looked at Sam who was bouncing up and down in his chair again and sighed.

"I seem to remember telling you to be extra good tonight," she said. Sam grinned at her.

"Yeah, I'm sure you find this exceptionally amusing, don't you?"

"_Bugguyrah_!" Sam cried cheerfully, banging his bottle onto the table again.

"Right," she said. Getting up, she picked him up from his chair and carried him down the porch steps.

"You go and crawl around now, and do whatever you like, and I'm going to talk to Malcolm, alright?"

She set him down onto the grass and he sped off, crawling towards Porthos who was lying under a tree, looking up rather wearily as he became aware of the approaching baby.

"Yes, that's right," she said. "Go play with Porthos."

She returned to the table and that moment Malcolm stepped back out onto the porch again.

"Where's Sam?" he asked. Hoshi motioned towards the garden behind her.

"He's gone for a walk," she said, and Malcolm's eyes widened.

"What?"

"It's okay," Hoshi said, rolling her eyes inwardly, "he's over there, playing with Porthos."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Malcolm sat back down. "It's already getting dark."

"It's not. I'm sure he'll be _just fine_." Picking up the two plates of fruit salad she'd prepared earlier, she handed one of them to Malcolm and sat back down on her chair.

"Well," she said, "what I was saying earlier..."

He raised his head. "Yes?"

Hoshi felt the by now familiar nervous flutter in her stomach. "You know, when T'Pol was pregnant, do you remember when she first told Trip and he was all upset..."

"Of course he was," Malcolm said, frowning slightly. "_I'd_ be upset, I can tell you."

__

Bad start, Hoshi thought and bit back a sigh.

"Yes, sure, but -"

"What's he doing over there?" Malcolm craned his neck, trying to see what Sam, who was sitting on the grass next to Porthos, was up to. "I think he's eating something."

"_Never-mind-Sam-now_," Hoshi said, feeling the urge to grab him by the shirt and _make_ him listen. "What I meant to say, Trip was upset and all, but later he -"

He looked at her in confusion. "What's this about Trip all the time?"

"Malcolm." She closed her eyes for a second. "Could you just _listen_ to me. I'm trying to _tell_ you something."

"Sorry," he said, putting his now empty plate aside. "What is it?"

Hoshi took a deep breath. "Okay. So T'Pol was pregnant, and Trip was upset when she told him, but later he wasn't that upset anymore..."

Looking at Malcolm who was listening with polite attention, probably thinking she'd finally lost it after all, Hoshi cleared her throat. _Somehow I'm not doing this right._

"Well," she continued a little helplessly, "and Sam's such a cutie now..."

Malcolm's head snapped around. "Sam!" He jumped up. "He's gone!"

Hoshi turned her head as well and saw that both Sam and Porthos were gone from their spot under the tree where they'd been sitting only three minutes ago.

__

Oh no, she thought, getting up as well and following Malcolm who almost tripped over his own feet, dashing down the porch steps.

"I told you, we shouldn't have let him crawl around here on his own!" Malcolm looked around, apparently not able to decide in which direction to run first. "This stupid garden doesn't even have a fence, he could be anywhere!"

"Deep breathing, Malcolm," she said. "We'll find him. He can't have gotten very far."

They started looking between the bushes that grew randomly all over the lawn, calling out for Sam and Porthos, but to no avail.

"What kind of bloody idiot designed this garden, anyway?" Malcolm said, prying apart the branches of a small hedge. "Hiding places everywhere!"

__

Spies and spooks under every bush, Hoshi thought sarcastically, but knew it was better to keep her mouth shut at the moment. They'd reached the outer fringes of the lawn by now, and she was beginning to feel slightly worried as well.

__

Where could he have gone? she thought, when suddenly Malcolm cried out in horror.

"AHHH! Look at that! He's eating those berries!"

She dashed over to where he was standing, and her eyes fell on Sam, who sat hidden behind one of the bushes, his face, hands and clothes bright red and dripping with berry juice. He smiled up at Malcolm, obviously happy to see them, and reached out to get himself another helping of the berries that grew on the bush in front of him.

"No, don't!" Malcolm swept him up, not caring if he got all covered in red slimey goo, too, and snatched the berries away from Sam. "What if they're _poisonous_?!"

Sam let out an outraged cry and began to wail. Malcolm looked ready to panic.

"We got to get him inside and call the hospital, I _told_ you not to let him crawl around on his own, what if he poisoned himself, now GO GET THE PHONE -"

Hoshi was just turning around to get back to the house when she saw someone coming down the garden path. A moment later she recognized their Antarian landlord. He was an elderly man, grey-skinned like all Antarians, and a rather surprised expression appeared on his face at the little drama unfolding in front of him.

"Um... Bad time?" he asked, looking from Malcolm to Hoshi. "I was on my way down to the main building and decided to stop by for a second to ask -"

"_Are those berries poisonous?_" Malcolm took a step forward, and the Antarian gave him a startled look. Then his eyes fell on Sam, all covered in red berry juice, and Hoshi saw him bite back a grin.

"No," he said reassuringly, "don't worry, Sir. These berries are a specialty on many planets, and not poisonous at all."

Malcolm stared at him, then shifted the crying baby on his arm. "So they're not poisonous?" he asked, and the Antarian shook his head.

"No Sir. There's no need to worry. Well, um, I just wanted to ask you if you're planning to extend your stay. Next week we're expecting a group of Tellarite tourists, and I need to know how many apartments will be available then."

"Well, that's no problem," Hoshi said. "We'll be staying for only three more days."

He nodded. "Okay, very well, thank you. I'll be off, then."

He turned, walking back down the garden path, and Hoshi saw his shoulder twitching as if he was having a hard time suppressing his laughter. She looked back at Malcolm.

"You're such a jerk," she said, feeling a grin tug at the corner of her mouth. He looked at her a little sheepishly.

"Well, they _could_ have been poisonous."

"Yeah, sure." Hoshi looked at Sam who had stopped wailing by now and was examining his red hands in amazement. "Well, little one, looks like you're going to take a bath tonight." She glanced back at Malcolm. "And you, too."

Malcolm looked down his front which was smeared with red juice and gave a small sigh. "I guess so," he said. "Well, Sam, let's take you inside and get you cleaned up. We don't want you looking like road kill when you get back to your parents."

"Ugh, Malcolm, don't be disgusting," Hoshi said, following him as he set off towards the house. "Besides, his blood is green."

"Whatever," Malcolm said, walking up the porch steps. Together they went inside, the remains of Hoshi's romantic candle light dinner forgotten on the garden table.

TBC...

Please let us know what you think!


	6. With A Little Help From My Friends

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Title: Family Conspiracy

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Authors: Sita/T'eyla

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Genre: Humor/Romance

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Rating: PG for language

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Codes: T/T, R/S, A

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AN: Thanks to Exploded Pen, Trekaholic, FerretFrenzyMom, A. Windsor, Orion9, Phaser Lady (okay, we didn't want to be responsible for giving you a heart attack, so... read and enjoy *g*), Summer1 and Rogue(thanks for the nice compliment!) for reviewing.

And now... the last chapter!

Please r&r!

(6) With A Little Help From My Friends

Hoshi was walking down the stone steps leading away from the apartment, followed by Porthos who seemed to be quite excited at getting to take a walk that late in the evening. She looked down at Sam in her arms who was sucking on the ear of his teddy, looking rather sleepy.

__

No wonder he's tired, she thought, remembering the big scrubbing that had followed Sam's little expedition to the garden hedges. The berry juice had turned out to be quite persistent, and Malcolm was probably still busy trying to get rid of the red stains on his hands and shirt. Sam's hands and mouth still had a pale red hue to them, despite Hoshi's efforts to get him all clean and green again.

Thinking of what a flop tonight's dinner had been, she sighed. Malcolm and Sam had efficiently worked together to pull the plug on her plans to make the big revelation tonight.

She was so tired of the whole business. She'd tried everything she could think of to break the news gently, but she just didn't seem to get through to him and she just didn't know what else she could do. She couldn't even lay the blame on him, since he _had_ been listening. He just hadn't _understood_.

In the meantime she'd arrived at Trip and T'Pol's apartment door and, shifting the baby on her arm, she reached out to ring the doorbell.

"Come," she heard Trip's voice from inside. Pushing the panel beside the door, she entered and saw T'Pol, Trip and Archer, all sitting together in the living area of the apartment. When Trip's eyes fell on Sam in her arms, he got up and came towards her, a grin spreading on his face.

"Hey kid!" He took Sam, who opened his eyes and looked up at his father rather drowsily. "Tired, huh? Yeah, we had a long day, too."

Hoshi grinned at him. "Did you enjoy yourself at the State Museum?"

"It was most interesting," T'Pol piped up from behind, and Trip let out a deep breath.

"Yeah. Sure. Well, come in, Hoshi."

Hoshi suppressed a chuckle and followed Trip who sat back down on the couch next to T'Pol. Porthos, who'd been sniffing at something on the front lawn, came in and bounded towards Archer who picked him up.

"Hey old boy, had a nice day?" Archer said, petting the dog's head.

Hoshi lowered herself into one of the armchairs, watching as T'Pol took Sam from Trip and got the sleeping baby into a comfortable position on her lap.

"Thank you for taking care of him," she said, looking up at Hoshi. "I hope there were no problems."

Hoshi shook her head. "No, not really. I'm afraid we didn't completely get that juice off him, though."

T'Pol raised an eyebrow and Archer bent forward, taking a close look at Sam's face, then turned to Hoshi.

"He is a little red, isn't he? What did you do?"

For a moment Hoshi was tempted to say _"Well, Malcolm painted him red so he would be able to spot him on the grass"_, but then wisely decided against it.

"When we weren't looking, he managed to get away and ate a few berries off a bush in the garden," she said instead. T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "They weren't poisonous," Hoshi added hastily.

"Well, I hope so," Trip said, looking over at Sam, and grinned. "He looks like Dracula, with his mouth all red. Must be the ears, come to think of it."

"Who is Dracula?" T'Pol asked, and Trip shook his head.

"Never mind."

"Well," Archer said, turning back to Hoshi, "how was your day?"

She attempted a weak smile. "Never mind that either."

Suddenly everybody's attention was focused on her, and Archer raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Did you tell him?"

Sadly, she shook her head. "No, I didn't. I tried, though. I really did."

"What d'ya mean, you tried?" Trip asked. "Did ya tell him or not?"

Hoshi sighed. "I told you, I tried, candle light dinner and all, but he just didn't get it."

"You told him you were pregnant and he did not understand?" T'Pol asked in an incredulous tone of voice.

"Of course not," Hoshi said, slightly exasperated. "I tried to break it gently, but then suddenly Sam was gone, and we had to go look for him, and then he was all red with berry juice, and we had to get him cleaned up. Malcolm was all red, too, because he picked him up when he thought those berries were poisonous..."

Sourly, she looked at Trip and Archer who were both shaking with laughter by now.

"It wasn't funny!" she said. "It wasn't funny at all!"

"But it sure sounds funny." Trip was slowly getting a grip on himself, and T'Pol threw him a reproachful look.

"How do you plan do proceed further?" she asked, turning back to Hoshi.

__

Very good question. Hoshi shrugged helplessly. "I've no idea."

"Well..." Archer said, trying to get his laughter under control, "looks like we'll have to think of something else."

Trip wiped his chin, an expression of mock seriousness on his face. "I know," he said then. "You could just wait till he asks you why you're gettin' fatter every day -"

That moment a pillow hit him in the face. "Hey, don't!" he cried. "Ah'm jus' tryin' ta help!"

"Yeah, sure you are," Hoshi growled, thinking secretly that maybe Trip's suggestion wasn't such a bad idea, after all.

__

I'll just tell him I ate too much popcorn, she thought sardonically. _That'll straighten out the problem alright._

-###-

__

Well, she is taking quite long.

Looking up from his book, Malcolm glanced over at the chronometer on the wall and frowned. Hoshi had left about an hour ago to bring Sam back to Trip and T'Pol, and she still wasn't back, although she'd said she wasn't going to stay away for long.

Maybe she was still mad at him. Malcolm considered. He knew she'd been a little pissed off when he hadn't gotten too excited about any of her plans this afternoon, but at dinner time she'd seemed to have regained her good mood. Or so he'd thought. Recalling how desperately she'd tried to start a conversation during dinner, making odd statements about Trip and T'Pol, he shook his head. He seemed to remember her saying she wanted to tell him something, but for the life of him he couldn't think of what it might have been.

Come to think of it, they'd all been acting quite strangely lately. Even T'Pol had seemed unusually attentive the last few days, asking him if he felt nervous; she of all people. Trip was grinning at him all the time, seemingly for no reason, and Archer seemed to be overly concerned about his well-being lately, asking if he was enjoying his vacation, giving him those weird grins. They all seemed to be grinning at him all the time. He couldn't think of what they were up to, though.

Throwing another glance at the chronometer, his frown deepened.

__

Now what is taking her so long?

Coming to a decision, he put aside his book and got up. Maybe it was better to go and look what was keeping her so long. If she _was_ still mad at him, she'd expect him to go after her. And he didn't want her to be mad at him. He always felt miserable when she was angry with him.

Slipping on his boots, he took the key card from the counter and opened the front door. As he began walking down the stone steps, he once again thought over the peculiar conversation he'd had with Hoshi earlier, and found himself even more confused than before. What _was_ it that she'd been trying so hard to tell him?

__

It must be something bad, he thought, an uneasy feeling rising in his stomach. _Otherwise she wouldn't have gone to all that trouble..._

He pressed the door buzzer to Trip and T'Pol's apartment and waited. There was a moment's silence, then he heard Trip's voice, sounding rather wary.

"Come?"

Frowning in confusion, he opened the door and entered. He was greeted by complete silence, Archer, Trip, T'Pol and Hoshi staring at him as if he'd suddenly grown a second head.

After a moment, Archer cleared his throat.

"Oh, ahem, hi, Malcolm." He glanced at the others a little helplessly. "We... um, we were just talking about..."

"Talking about what?" Reed asked, his eyes falling on Hoshi who shifted nervously and looked away. "What's all this about?"

"Oh, nuthin'." Trip looked up at him, giving him a big, forced grin. "You know, Malcolm, you should really go and visit that museum one day, it's absolutely fascinating, all this... old china..."

He trailed off and Malcolm stared at him, wondering what the hell he was talking about. This was a decoy tactic too obvious even for Trip, and Reed could see Trip knew this, too.

"What's going on?" he asked, hearing some of the irritation he felt creeping into his voice. "What the hell's going on here?"

Nobody seemed to want to meet his eyes, and Malcolm looked at Hoshi, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's all of this, Hoshi?"

She blushed. "Well, Malcolm, there... there is something I haven't told you... and..."

For some reason she didn't go on, though, but looked at him rather imploringly. "Don't be mad at me, okay?"

He shook his head, now totally confused. "Why should I be mad at you?"

She shifted in her chair, avoiding to meet his eyes. Archer spoke up. "Listen Malcolm," he said, "now don't get upset about this. Things like that just happen and it's kind of nice too, isn't it..."

"What?!" Malcolm cried. "What's kind of nice?"

Trip cleared his throat. "This would be a lot easier if you'd just calm down, Malcolm," he said and Malcolm turned to him, on the verge of panic.

__

"What would be a lot easier?!!" He took a step towards Trip._ "What??!!"_

"Lieutenant."

Reed's head snapped around and he stared at T'Pol who had her arms crossed as well.

"Ensign Sato wants to tell you something."

He looked at Hoshi. The blush had disappeared from her face and she was looking rather pale and shaky.

"What is it?" he asked.

Hoshi looked at him for another long moment, then cleared her throat and began to speak.

-###-

Ten minutes later, Malcolm took another sip of the whiskey they'd given him, feeling things slowly coming back into focus again. Hoshi, Archer, Trip and T'Pol were all standing around the couch, staring down at him with various degrees of concern and worry on their faces. While Hoshi was looking at him with an expression of shock and dismay, Trip was obviously trying very hard to bite back a grin.

"Feelin' better?" he asked, and Malcolm slowly shook his head, downing his drink.

"More," he said, his voice sounding more like a squeak. Trip poured him some more whiskey and Malcolm downed that as well, looking up as Hoshi took a seat next to him on the couch.

"Hey, I'm sorry," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "I shouldn't have told you like that. It's just that... you know, I tried before, but..."

She trailed off and he nodded resignedly.

"I know you did."

She took the glass from his shaking hands and put it down on the couch table. "I'm really sorry, Malcolm."

T'Pol shifted the sleeping Sam on her arm and glanced at Trip and Archer, who were trying to look as if they weren't dying with curiousity to hear where this conversation would be going.

"Charles, Captain..." she said gravely, "I think it would be _appropriate_ to give Lieutenant Reed and Ensign Sato some time for themselves now."

Trip looked quite disappointed, but Archer nodded hastily. "Yeah, sure. Come on, Trip, we'll wait outside."

Malcolm watched them leave the room, then turned back to Hoshi who was looking at him rather apprehensively. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, not knowing what to say. The whole thing was so... _unbelievable_, and the meaning of what she'd just told him still hadn't sunk in completely. He shook his head.

"Oh my God," he said, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. "This is..."

He felt Hoshi shift beside him on the couch. "Are you mad at me?"

Opening his eyes again, he turned his head. "What? No. No, of course not. I'm just... surprised." He gave a shaky laugh. "This comes as a bit of a shock, you know."

She smiled, too, and leaned back as well. "Yeah, I know."

There were a few moments' silence, then Hoshi turned her head, looking at him.

"Well," she said a little timidly, "what do you say?"

Meeting her eyes, he saw the half-anxious, half-expectant expression in them. He blinked a few times, shaking his head a little.

"Pregnant," he said, slowly feeling the meaning of the word sink in. "I can't believe it. You're pregnant." He paused, then something came to his mind. "How long do you know already?"

"Well," Hoshi said, and he saw a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Do you remember that evening about a week ago when you came to my quarters? The day the targeting scanners broke down?" He nodded. "That was the evening when Phlox told me."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows. "But... why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked, feeling a twinge of disappointment. "Seems like everybody knew, except me."

She looked down at her hands. "Actually I did tell you. Right that evening I told you."

"You didn't," he said, a little confused. "I mean, I know I was tired, but I'd have noticed _that_."

"I told you, but you didn't hear it. You used the time I needed to pluck up my courage to fall asleep." She looked up again, a slight smile on her face. "After that, I somehow couldn't do it again."

He stared at her for a moment, trying to recall the precise memories of what they had talked about that night, then gave up and once more shook his head, chuckling.

"Mayhaps should've stayed awake at least a few more minutes," he said, and Hoshi nodded, laughing as well.

"Mayhaps that would have been a good idea," she said.

There was silence for a while, then Malcolm spoke up again.

"But..." He paused. "Didn't you... er... don't you get these injections?"

Hoshi sighed. "Well, yes, usually I do, but you know, with the Captain's new duty roster and all..."

Malcolm frowned slightly. "What has the duty roster got to do with your injections?"

"Well, nothing, but Phlox had to rework his schedule and so he forgot my routine check."

Malcolm stared at her for a moment, then started laughing. He laughed so hard his ribs began to hurt, and bent forward, holding on to the couch with both hands. Beside him he heard Hoshi's voice, sounding slightly indignant.

"Now what's so funny? Why does everybody think this is so funny?!"

He bit his lip, trying to get a grip on himself. "Well... you have to admit... it is a bit funny. Think about it: If you put it like that, it's basically Captain Archer's fault, isn't it?"

Blinking away the tears of laughter, he looked at Hoshi who stared back at him, nonplussed. Then she started grinning as well. "Well, if you put it like that..."

-###-

When a few minutes later Archer, Trip and T'Pol opened the door, throwing a careful look inside, they saw Malcolm Reed and Hoshi Sato sitting on the couch, leaning against each other, shaking with laughter.


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue

Phlox sat down heavily on a chair, wiping his forehead. Wearily, he looked over at his patient - or better, his patients. Looking exhausted but happy, Hoshi Sato sat propped up in her bio bed, holding her new-born daughter in her arms. Lieutenant Reed sat on a chair beside the bed, leaning forwards, smiling rather foolishly as he looked down at the baby.

__

I'm just glad he didn't pass out earlier, Phlox thought, wondering why someone who stayed calm and controlled when he had to face several Klingon battle cruisers attacking Enterprise would work himself into such a state about something as simple as the birth of a child. And, considering it was Ensign Sato's first child, there had been surprisingly few complications, anyway. Nevertheless, at some points during the birth Phlox had wondered whether he ought to give the Lieutenant a minor sedative so he would stop pacing up and down the room, from time to time dashing over to Hoshi's bed, speaking to her in what he thought to be a calming manner. When he'd started telling her that most women survived the Cesarean, after all, Phlox had nearly lost his patience and kicked him out of sickbay, but Hoshi had only smiled weakly, saying she had indeed every intention of surviving the birth of her child.

Now, however, the Lieutenant seemed to have calmed down again. Smiling down at Hoshi, he carefully reached out, stroking the baby's black fuzz of hair. Hoshi raised her eyebrows in amusement.

"See?" she said. "I told you she was going to be just fine."

He nodded, never taking his eyes off the baby. "Can I hold her?"

"Sure you can," Hoshi said, smiling a little. Reed got up and very carefully took the small bundle out of her arms. He sat down quite stiffly on the edge of his chair, taking great care to support the baby's head, and Phlox felt slightly amused. He remembered how during the last three months of Ensign Sato's pregnancy Lieutenant Reed had shown up in sickbay again and again, pestering the doctor to tell him every little detail of how to take care of a newborn. In the end, Phlox had given him a big stack of medical journals, telling Reed that if he read those, he would probably know just as much about the matter as Phlox himself. And knowing the Lieutenant, Phlox suspected he'd probably read every single one of them, maybe even taking notes while he did so.

"Doctor..." Hoshi's voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Yes, Ensign?" he asked, getting up from his chair. He walked over to the bed and checked the readings on the monitor above her head. "Well, seems like everything's just fine. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay." Hoshi smiled up at him and with her right hand she nudged Malcolm who was still looking down at the baby in his arms, talking in a low voice.

"Go on, ask him," Hoshi said. Reed looked up startled, then his eyes fell on Phlox.

"Oh, yes, of course." He cleared his throat, as if preparing to make a speech, and Phlox raised his eyebrows, wondering what they were up to, now.

"Well, doctor, we'd like to ask you something..."

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Phlox asked, his curiousity growing.

"Well, erm, since in a way you've... er... been part of this from the start - "

Phlox cleared his throat and Hoshi snorted. Blushing slightly, Reed continued.

"...well, yes, anyway, we'd like to ask you if you'd agree to be her godfather. Joanna's, I mean."

Completely taken by surprise, Phlox stared at him for a moment, then felt a smile spreading on his face.

"I would be honored, Ensign, Lieutenant," he said.

Hoshi smiled. "That's wonderful. Thank you. By the way, it's Hoshi and Malcolm, not Ensign and Lieutenant."

Phlox blinked and nodded. "Ah, yes, of course." He looked down at the baby in Malcolm's arms. "Joanna. Interesting - that name reminds me of my _nech'wal_."

"_Nech'wal_?" Hoshi asked. "I don't know that word..."

Phlox shook his head. "Oh, you wouldn't. Just some relative of mine."

He pushed a few buttons on the monitor, trying to cover up just how touched he was by the gesture. He'd been serving on Enterprise for over five years now, and while he did feel at home with the crew by now, he still sometimes found people were treating him with a certain wariness, especially new crewmembers. It was a wonderful feeling to know that there were at least two people who trusted him enough to ask him to be the godfather of their child.

He cleared his throat. "Well, then, do you want me to get the others? I believe at least the Captain and Commander Tucker are quite nervous by now."

Hoshi grinned. "Sure."

Phlox nodded, and walked over to the double doors of sickbay, pushing the panel. The door slid aside and his eyes fell on Captain Archer, Subcommander T'Pol and Commander Tucker, who was holding Sam. As Phlox appeared in the doorway, their heads snapped up simultaneously and Archer took a step forward.

"Well, doc?" he asked, looking at Phlox rather apprehensively. "Everything okay?"

Phlox nodded. "Everything's just fine. You can come in now, if you want to."

Commander Tucker brushed past him, then Captain Archer followed in a little more dignified manner. T'Pol was the last one to enter sickbay, raising an indulgent eyebrow at Phlox as she went past him.

Smiling, Phlox followed them.

"Aww, ain't she just gorgeous!"

Archer, Tucker and T'Pol were all standing around Malcolm, their eyes resting on the small bundle in Reed's arms. Trip was grinning all over his face, shifting Sam on his arm who was babbling away excitedly, poking his father in the ear.

Malcolm looked up, an amused expression on his face. "Hey, if anything, she's _lovely_. She's my daughter, after all."

"And mine," Hoshi piped up from the bio bed, and Malcolm nodded hastily. "Of course."

"Quite tiny, though," Trip added and received reproachful glares from all sides.

"Of course she isn't," Archer said, bending down to get a better look at the sleeping baby's face. "She's beautiful. Can I hold her?"

Malcolm gave him a doubtful look, and Archer grinned.

"I won't drop her, Malcolm. Promise."

Malcolm got up, carefully placing the baby into Archer's arms. Archer smiled down at her for a moment, then looked up.

"So her name's Joanna?" he asked, and Hoshi nodded.

"Yes, Joanna. _He_ wanted to name her Victoria, but I..."

Reed blushed. "I didn't!" he said indignantly. "That was a joke!"

"Sure, Malcolm," Trip said grinning, and T'Pol raised an eyebrow.

"What is wrong with the name Victoria?" she asked and Reed blushed even harder.

__

"Never mind."

Sam pulled out a handful of Trip's hair, making him cry out in pain.

"Ow!"

"Victoria!" Sam cried cheerfully and Reed slumped down on his chair, sighing. Trip bit back a grin.

"No, Sam. Not Victoria, _Joanna_!"

"Joanna!" Sam waved his arms, accidently poking his father in the eye.

"Ouch!" Trip put down Sam and he crossed the short distance to T'Pol, flinging his arms around her legs. She picked him up, and he sat in her arms, turning his head and looking at Trip with a grave expression on his face. Trip rolled his eyes.

"Don't give me that Vulcan look, son!"

T'Pol raised an eyebrow at him, then turned to Hoshi.

"Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, Ensign," she said, mirroring Sam's grave expression. Hoshi smiled a little at her formal tone of voice.

"Thank you, Subcommander," she said. "About the crib..."

"That will be no problem," T'Pol said. "You can have Sam's old one. It is getting too small for him, and Charles was planning to build a new one, anyway."

Trip raised his head. "Oh, was I?"

T'Pol raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes you were. I told you we need a new one only yesterday."

Archer snorted, turning to Hoshi and placing the baby back in her arms. "Well, Ensign, I'm sure you'd like to have some peace and quiet now. And Joanna, too."

Phlox nodded emphatically. "Right, Captain. Hoshi and the baby need to get some rest now."

At Trip's disappointed look, he smiled slightly. "You can come back tomorrow, of course."

They left one by one, and when the door had closed behind Archer, Phlox turned back to Hoshi and Malcolm.

"I suppose you want to stay here for the night, Lieu- er - Malcolm?"

Reed nodded. "Yes, I'd like to stay." He leaned back in his chair, and let out a deep sigh. "Oh God, I'm so tired."

Hoshi smiled a little. "Me too."

Watching them sitting there in content silence, obviously savouring the feeling of the strenous part being over, Phlox nodded in satisfaction. All of his patients seemed to be feeling fine, and that was exactly how he liked things to be in his sickbay.

He shook his head a little. _Godfather_, he thought. _Well, that shall certainly prove a most interesting experience._

The End

****

AN: Thanks again to everyone who submitted a review for this story... you've been all way too kind (at first when we had finished it we wondered if we should post it at all *g*).

So for the last time, please let us know what you think!


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